dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
