"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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