when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
