just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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