i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
