was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize