so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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