he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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