they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
