the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just threw up on my dentist
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
