Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Someone came in the potted fern
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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