It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
