In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The air taste purple.
Randomize
