holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
