I'm really into asian looking animals
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
