its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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