she was so not down for the gang bang
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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