i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Operation Purity has been aborted
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
