I just threw up on my dentist
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
