it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
