in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
