My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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