ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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