I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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