we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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