she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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