I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
