Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
