That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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