omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
