Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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