I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
