the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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