Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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