thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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