maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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