i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
