whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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