I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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