Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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