please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
