Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
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Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
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If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.