It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
