Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
