Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
