So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
