my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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