This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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