My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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