She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
