I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
