Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
