If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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