Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
