So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
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I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
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So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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