Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
