Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
