So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
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How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
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