hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
