i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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