Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
