I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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