I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
