don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Randomize
