You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Too much gin, very little bucket
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
