i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
