you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
