it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
