Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
