where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
